Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
