I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
