ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
