you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
