I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
