It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
