hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
