sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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