I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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