There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
