Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
