Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
