Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
