his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
how drunk are you?
Several
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
