You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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