so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
