Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
