i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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