shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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