Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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