you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
