i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
