my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
