omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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