Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
