That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
