She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
