you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
