operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
