I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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