don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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