I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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