he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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