We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
