So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
