Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
