i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
