Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
