Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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