i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
