We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
