Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
