drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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