i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
