thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
