Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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