Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
