You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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