He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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