So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
