I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
